Needs vs. Wants

Why is that when we get what we want it can feel like a hollow victory? Maybe it’s because we didn’t really need it after all.

A few weeks ago I made a list of what I needed and what I wanted in my life. This was soul-searching work. For so long I had operated from a place of want. I bought things because I wanted them. I had that extra glass of wine because I wanted it. I chose partners and projects because I wanted to be wanted. My wants were primal and fleeting.

It was not in my nature to work from a place of need. Even admitting that I needed anything was painful.

I sat and pondered the question, “What do I really need?” I went to my core values of love, safety and integrity. Yes, I needed these values operating in my life, but how did I need them to show up?

Based on my core values, I came up with 5 needs that I would admit to myself:

1. I need to attract partners and clients who understand that I have a daughter and she comes first.
2. I need to surround myself with people and projects that help me grow as a professional and complete person.
3. I need to have my own independent life that involves travel and living everyday as a grand adventure. I need to have a spiritual practice and conscious people in my life who empower me to accept myself as I am.
4. I need to give love and receive love through acceptance, kindness and sensitivity.

The question becomes if you only focus on what you need, can you still get what you want?

Making a list of my wants was much easier. There was a desire for lucrative clients that provided a steady stream of revenue, tickets and invitations to exciting events, meaningful recognition for my work, beautiful clothes and sophisticated company. After I made my two lists, what I needed started to arrive quickly and many of my wants came along as a bonus.

I have a lot of friends and clients who consistently get what they want. They are powerful people who can manifest their desires. The great job, car, girl or house… it all becomes a prize won, rather than a deep need fulfilled. So the desire for more things increases and the feeling of satisfaction doesn’t last. That gapping hole remains along with a feeling of restlessness and envy. Moving into a needs-based motivation simplifies, clarifies and attracts opportunities that are much deeper and more fulfilling. That’s my experience. I hope it is yours.