Thursday must have been a
grueling day for Kalonzo Musyoka. He dug himself into a hole, and didn’t stop
digging until he was sure he was well and truly buried under a dirty heap of
ignominy. CORD leadership had assembled in force to deliver its long-awaited
verdict on the performance of Jubilee in government over the past year. Going
by innumerable pointed hints preceding the CORD news conference, this verdict
was going to be unforgiving indeed. They had noisily berated Jubilee of
discrimination, ethnic profiling and failing to unite the country. Nobody will
remember a thing about the news conference, thanks to Mr Musyoka. He was asked
a question by a journalist, and he sought to know the journalist’s name before
answering.
However, as soon as Mr Musyoka
learnt the journalist’s name, it was a wrap! “Thank you, Kennedy Mureithi; that
name betrays it all. Absolutely. Thank you! I have nothing else to say.” Let us
visit salient points of this sinister disclosure. Perhaps we start at the
beginning. That name. The Opposition leader had zeroed in on a specific name.
At the sound of the name, Kennedy Mureithi, the penny dropped for Musyoka. His
brain rang, “Bingo!” So, what is wrong with that name? Mr Musyoka avers that it
betrays it all. The choice of ‘betray’ says quite a bit: Treachery. Danger. In
short, for Kalonzo Musyoka, Kennedy Mureithi is not just an innocuous and
fairly common name, but the enemy’s definitive calling card. The battery of
CORD leaders accompanying Musyoka tittered and smirked with evident
satisfaction at their colleague’s performance. The laughing Anyang’ Nyong’o in particular looked smug and
thrilled all at once. There was an ocean-like murmur of approbation, with a
deep voice reiterating, “Absolutely!” The enemy had been outed! Bravo Kalonzo!
Kennedy Mureithi, in journalistic
guise; wolf in sheep’s skin! To his credit, Ababu Namwamba looked genuinely
distraught at this turn of events, and rallied to ameliorate things. Evidently,
the rest of CORD was still wallowing in an incredible feel-good moment. Then
the social media caught fire. #SomeoneTell KalonzoMusyoka began to trend as the
video clip of the infamous outburst went viral. Kenyans were not amused.
Kenyans are not amused. A minor functionary in Musyoka’s entourage rushed to
publish a clarification which made a terrible situation worse. Kalonzo observed
that owing to his name, Kennedy Mureithi’s ‘assumed political tilt’ was
evident, and reflective of the polarised society Kenya has become.
A high-profile political leader,
a lawyer, a long-serving government official, a famously born-again Christian,
Musyoka ought to know better. He was saying that we must all play along the
schisms in our community, instead of providing leadership. He was saying that
Mr Mureithi’s name suffices to establish his political views, and mark him out
as an enemy.
Then he iced his venomous treat
with hemlock. Indeed, says his statement, all this was with a light touch. How
much offence we perpetrate ‘in a light touch’ is horrifying. Typical of the
‘mchongowano’ tradition, we trade the vilest insults in the name of jocular
banter. Perhaps Musyoka thought that adopting this benighted habit will confer
much needed street cred. This scandal is going to be immensely problematic for
Mr Musyoka. Despite a much-touted Mr Clean image, people have had difficulty
seeing sincerity in him, which has brought him much political grief. His
hard-luck story of trekking miles to school on bare, jigger-infested feet back
in lowly Tseikuru, and unlikely rise to the pinnacle of political power will be
rounded off with a twilight blighted with ethnic bigotry and hypocrisy. He is
the new champion of 41 versus 1.
All we ever needed to do was
recall a famous nugget in Musyoka’s biography. In his political infancy, the
man suckled at Mulu Mutistya’s tit. It is Mulu Mutisya who fired off a gem of
his own, describing journalists as louts conceived by the roadside. When one
considers the virulent tribal animosity that Mr Musyoka harbours beneath an
urbane façade, Kenyans have a lot to be thankful for. If CORD had had its way,
Kalonzo Musyoka would be the deputy president today.
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